My Goals

I realized, after yesterday, that just sitting around hoping things would get better just wouldn't cut it for me. I needed some goals, a plan. While I don't quite have the plan yet, I do have a list of goals.

1. Define my relationships and make them the best whatever they are they can be: I have been practicing triage polyamory for a little too long, I think, and it's getting to me. I want to know where I stand with the people I love and then work on developing those relationships. I want my relationships to be fulfilling, and I believe that they can be, but I know that if I expect them to be all the same I will be sorely disappointed. I love the people that I love: T., D., and C., but I love them differently. Not more or less, but differently. And to be honest, with some of them I don't know where I stand, and with others I'm afraid that I don't stand where they want me to stand. But I have to be honest. With them and with myself, and then I have to work from there.
2. Get T. and D. to be friends again: I've been feeling like crap for ruining a friendship, even if it was accidental, and I think they could be good friends again, but there's a lot to get over. T. says that they're solidly at acquaintances now. Freaking great. I want them to be friends again, maybe not best friends or brothers like T. and J. but something better than now.
3. Help Stabilize my group of friends: We are in a state of turmoil. I would say it's a freaking warzone, but it's more like the cold war: calm, calm, even friendly, than some conflict where nothing is actually settled. It sucks. It's almost unendurable. I'm tired of the power struggle. I don't blame anyone and I'm not mad at anyone, but this needs to be fixed. So I'm going to do what I can to make it better.

And that's my grown up Christmas list.