Sexualization and Power

So I think I figured something out. Why women feel degraded by sexualized images and men don't. It's about power. When women are sexualized, they feel like power is taken from them, when men are sexualized, they feel like power is given to them.

The problem then, isn't really with sexualization of characters at all. It's about who the sexualization is for.

For the longest time, women's sexuality has been seen as belonging to men. Sexualized women are "eye candy" for men. Why?

And worse than that, if a women does claim her sexual power, she's a bad girl. (See: Madonna/Whore complex). If a woman controls her sexuality, she's dangerous, and not in a "ooh, she's so dangerous, I like that" sort of way.

Maybe some of the sexualized characters in the media do own their sexuality, may they do claim their own personal sexual power. But we are culturally inclined not to see it.

Maybe not seeing it this way is why, at least for the longest time, I haven't been bothered by sexualized characters. One of my closest friends is highly sexual, and she owns her sexuality. Although she's not perfect (nor are any of us), that idea that your sexuality belongs to you, is a positive message to me, and in that way she inspires me. When I think of sexualized characters in my head, I see someone like my friend, someone who is proud of her body, someone who claims self-ownership. She does not flaunt her body because she is told to by society, nor because it gives her power over other people's desires, although she is free to enjoy that other people enjoy her body. She flaunts it because she is proud of it. She loves herself, and is confident and strong.

I know this isn't what most people see, and when I look at sexualized characters the way they do, it bothers me a little bit too. The idea that women are stripped of their agency that way. My body is my own. It doesn't exist for the benefit of someone else, although if I want to use it to give them pleasure, it is my right to share it with them. And if both (or more) of us enjoy it, there is nothing shameful or wrong about that. And that doesn't take the power of my body away from me, nor does it take it from my partner. As consenting adults, instead it allows us to share in each other's personal glory. To claim and enjoy our bodies. And to feel empowered within our selves. At least that's what sex should be, I think.

So, maybe, just maybe we don't need to get rid of sexualization, we need to own it.

Sexual Harassment & Flirting

When I was in high school, I was sexually harassed.

The first day of school, I had to move seats in my free period because a guy kept trying to get me to go out with him despite me saying know. He said things like "I have a car." People came up to me and said, with a laugh, "my friend" (who I had never met before) "likes you." A guy in my English class called me his "Passionate Lover" despite the fact that I had no interest in him and asked him to stop repeatedly. Another guy in my English class tried to pretend (jokingly) that he was my boyfriend. I moved seats then too.
They made me feel like there must be something wrong with me. That clearly if wanting to date me is such a joke, I must not be someone anyone would want to date. They made me uncomfortable with sexuality and my own body. I felt a little sick after these things happened

In college I was flirted with.

The man I would later marry shared my interests, and talked to me about things we both liked, like puns and British humor. He said I was beautiful. He joked with me, and not about me, and treated me like a person. He waited at the top of the wheelchair ramp in the library while I rolled my over-sized back pack up it, because it wouldn't go up the stairs. He found me attractive, and yet treated me with respect.
He made me feel like I was wanted. Like I was special. Like I was beautiful.

This is the difference.

Some more feminism stuff

http://whoneedsfeminism.tumblr.com

I need feminism because I am not less worthwhile because I have a husband, a boyfriend, and a girlfriend (and I am honest with each of them).

Am I a bad feminist?

Looking a my last post I worry that I'm a bad feminist. I do believe in feminism. I do believe in equal rights. I guess I would call myself a "sex positive feminist." Am I a bad feminist because I like looking at attractive women and don't find anything wrong with it?

On Objectification and Gaze

Okay, so I've been reading a lot about feminism recently, and I've heard a lot about the concept of Objectification and Male Gaze.
Let's talk about objectification first. I am a bisexual woman. I find both men and women attractive, and what's more I think it is entirely possible to see someone as attractive and even admire that person's attractiveness without treating them like an object. I'll use an example:

Catwoman, the Dark Knight Rises

Catwoman is very attractive in that, er, catsuit. She is also an interesting character with a story all of her own. When I see her as attractive, am I reducing her to a object? Personally I don't think so. I can look at her character as a person with a personality, feelings and flaws and also admire her attractiveness. I found some shots of her quite attractive, but I also found her story compelling. Why are these mutually exclusive? They're clearly not amongst real people, so why should they be for characters?

Another weird thing: I don't think I've ever heard a man complaining about feeling objectified. Why is that? My Mom gets pictures of shirtless guys on her birthday cards all the time. Twilight (say what you will about it's literary quality) is pretty much purple prose about how attractive a vampire guy is. And yet, I haven't heard any guy say that they feel objectified because of it. Why is that? When women often find portrayals of women objectifying?

That said, seeing people as mere objects of sexual pleasure is bad. I don't have a problem with people having sex for pleasure, nor do I subscribe to the idea that there is only one, or two, or whatever ways to have sex. If people want to have one night stands for pleasure, as long as they respect themselves and their partner, that's fine. Respect means seeing them as a person, and treating them that way. And I think that finding someone sexually attractive does not violate that tenant.

Next on Male Gaze: the idea of male gaze is that women in fiction are often presented as they are seen by men. Meaning focus on parts that would be looked at by men--breasts, butt, legs. The problem is this: I'm a bisexual woman. I like looking at attractive women too.

I think "Female Gaze" is growing in our media (see: Twilight, as mentioned above), but yes, examples of it are rarer than examples of Male Gaze. I think equal opportunity fanservice is probably a good idea. But I don't think it's (a) possible, or (b) right to try and get rid of all sexualized or attractive imagery in our media. Should we be bombarded with it everywhere? No. But is it okay, even wanted, sometimes? Yes.

Now, I have a lot more to say about sex, but I think I'll finish up this blog and post another one on some more topics.

Edit: Reading some stuff, I worry that I might have not said some things I mean to say: While it is alright to find people attractive, it is not alright to disrespect them because of it. Most people aren't comfortable with catcalls, etc. There is a fine line between flirting and sexual harassment. I think I'll talk about this next.